I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
