To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
