turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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