My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
