dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
