so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
