Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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