Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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