i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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