you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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