is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
