Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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