okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
