I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
