I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
