So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't think brook has ever known best
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
