I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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