I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
