So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
