In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
