i permit you to call me
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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