I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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