you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
