Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
