I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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