we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
