i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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