Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
