I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize