I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
