I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize