I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
