Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
