Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
