She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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