He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
