You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
