I must be too annoying 4 u.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
