Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky

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(404): View more from Georgia

my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

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(443): View more from Maryland

She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly

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(847): View more from Illinois

Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?

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(323): View more from California

IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.

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