Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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