i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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