This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
