Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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