sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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