I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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