my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
did you just send me my own nude
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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