I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
