I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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