whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
