Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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