forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
