And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
