seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize