...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
