I am puke
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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