How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I would fuck him just for his dog
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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