Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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