i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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