PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
