I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
