I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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