that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
