You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
