i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize