I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
pop tarts are not kleenex
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
