you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
