There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
