So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
