you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
