my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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