His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm always down for nudity.
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