Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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