He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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