God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
