not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
