also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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