My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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