right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
