Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
